This has been a hard entry. Not because of it being such a personal issue. It's really because I'm wondering, "Does anyone really want to read about it?" I have no problem sharing this. Will people have a problem with me "over sharing"? Is it TMI?
Here is your warning. If you are uncomfortable with people sharing too much personal information, don't read on.
On October 12, I found out I was pregnant. After 6 pregnancy tests, we were pretty sure and had it confirmed by the doctors' office. Since I'd had two normal pregnancies in the past, we felt comfortable enough to share the news.
I'd had bouts of nausea, tiredness, and raging hormones. Heck I'd even had a craving for bacon. We'd shared the news with family, friends, and our oldest boy. I'd started digging out maternity clothes, talking about baby names, and figuring out where to put the new addition.
Suddenly on Saturday November 2, 2013 I started cramping. Nothing too strong, just a little discomfort. I shrugged it off as normal pregnancy pains and went to bed.
Sunday November 3, 2013 minor cramping again. I went to the restroom and discovered I was bleeding, not spotting but bleeding. As I'm freaking out I try to call someone, anyone. Finally I reach my mother in law. Next I'm trying to reach my doctor. No luck there. I decide since the pain is persisting to go to the emergency room.
After several hours, two ultrasounds, and some blood work it was decided that there was no fetus. What?!
The doctor explained that the egg and sperm met, however nothing developed. All that showed was the gestational sack. It was nothing I did wrong. Just something did not click. Theory is that there was a defect and it would not progress.
I was heartbroken. After three weeks of planning and excitement, it was a huge letdown. Three weeks that we can't get back. Three weeks wasted. Let me take this moment to say, we wanted this baby. I'd been waiting for this baby for months. I'd been expecting it for months. This was no "oops."
My mom had my boys while I was at the hospital. I left the er devastated. I arrived home and spent a couple hours crying and sleeping. (Isn't that how you get through bad news?)
I was instructed to call my doctor Monday, which I did. I went in for an appointment that day. I unfortunately was given false hope that there may still be a baby. I'm set up with an appointment for lab work later in the week.
I spent the majority of the next two days on the couch with my feet up. Still holding out hope that my baby is just a late bloomer or my dates were off. The day before my lab work, I had to go to town for groceries. I returned home with extremely painful cramps and heavy bleeding. This was it. If I hadn't lost the baby yet, I would today.
I had lab work the next day. From there it was just a waiting game. I didn't receive any news on the results until the next day. I knew though, that after five days of bleeding, it wouldn't be good. My hormone levels had dropped considerably. The doctor said that with the cramps, bleeding and dropped levels I was no longer pregnant. There was no need for a follow up.
So what happened? Why, after two perfectly healthy pregnancies, did this one go wrong? There is no explanation. This condition is called a blighted ovum. There was a fertilized egg. It did implant in my uterus. It did not turn into an embryo. According to webmd, this is causes about half of the miscarriages in the first trimester of pregnancy.
I guess you could call this my closure. I know what happened, I'm adjusting and moving on. I know in the end it could have been much more worse. There could have been a baby. I could have been further along. I could have heard a heartbeat and seen a picture. But I have to look at what I have. I have two healthy boys. I have a wonderful husband. I still have my health and I can still have another baby.
Thank you so much to everyone for their thoughts and prayers. Every one's love means so much to me.
Thanks!
